but now.......i really need to let out dis feeling...n...this is not da first time 4 me to make a personal post bout myself.so here we go....
dear blog...................
u know,today is the fourth day of my holidays,which i waste f0r nothing...NOTHING!well that really sounds like me,to juz relax n doing things at eleventh hour ...but...since i promised myself to change..n..since i got tonne of homeworks to be done...n...the fact that there is less than 1 week before i return to my college...i try to motivate myself to get to work..
yes..i open my books,grab my pen..n..i found myself staring at the same page for more than 10 minutes..yes.i'm TRYING to read,but i juz can't focus.!!!i dun know y..what's wrong with me..do i juz lost my interest in chemistry.???
let's get deeper...........................let me tell you something so that i can feel btter..this little secret of me,that i can't keep to myself any longer..
the reasons y i juz can't concentrate..
it's becoz of my.....................
my .........................................
my terrible standardize result........................ :(
yeah...i'm n0t that excellent in chemistry,but i never thinks it is hard...
now..
for da first time of my life........i dun get A for my chemistry..
n this is serious..!!!this is terrible..!!it suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe if i get B,i can at least feel ok about it..but no..listen.....i only get 58%.. now,do u see me as an idiot.?
i dun know..
maybe i can accept the fact,if the questions are really hard..but the reality is,all the questions for the standardise test is simple..n ..it juz need simple calculation..n..maybe a little bit of thinking...
so..why dis mark.??
i can't explain..i dun know............one thing for sure,i hate myself.!!!!!!!!!!!
yes..i dun manage my time very well during answering the questions,i calculate the answer on a piece of paper first..i am planning to recheck before i copy the answer on my answer sheet..yes,i take my own sweet time doing all this..n i dun even glance at the clock..
suddenly,the lecturer annouced, 5 minutes left.!!
n..at that instant,i know..my game is over..yeah..my hands is shaking as violently as my heart..
lub dup..lub dup..lub dup...!!
............................................................................................................................................
my heart almost stop when i have to hand the paper to the lecturer..
there is still blank spaces begging me to be filled..
n..i can only pray for miracle to happen..anything...magic spell.??
no..so here it is..
"huh..sapa suruh over-confident sgt.??"
thanks sis..sbb marah angah..pleze..mrh lebey lg..
plezeee,shout a little more...................coz i'm not good in scolding myself..
n.........................
i can see how other looks down on me bcoz of this mark..
but i can't change a thing bout dis..
so..keep on give me dat look..it's ok..
i shall get used to it..
u know what broke my heart even more.???
after the standardise 1,i need to fill my target marks for standardise 2..
so..i put an A for chemistry..coz i juz want to redeem my mistake..so that i can stop hating myself..
then,sumbody commented"u should target based on your ability..B will do"
alright......................is that the way u see me.??
do i look so helpless n pathetic to u.??
ok..FINE then..
u know..i am trying my best to accept this failure..
trying to not to be embarass with myself..
trying to walk into the lectures hall with confident......
so..that's my story..
i dun know y i ever write dis..
maybe i will regret myself for posting dis..
but for now..
this is the only thing that can make me feel better..
to voice out all the sadness n my dispointment that i hold inside..........
oh..but dun worry..
i'm totally ok now..i shall be alright..
everyday is a BRAND NEW day..let's not wake up with yesterday's regret (^^,)
let da rains fall down,n wake my dreams :P
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