Tuesday, May 3, 2011

build da wall ar0und my heart n break it again..?

n0w it hard to start believing again...
arhh..i'm n0t trying to brings up some old issues,but now,as things turn out to be like dis..i juz need some space to clear my mind..

years ago,a few months after tremor's death,dis little creature came to my life,let juz call him,W.s0rry i can't tell his name for some reasons. (tremors is my dearest cat,da one dat i consider as a friend, i means a bestfriend, who dies in an excident infront of my house..Yes..!i'm having some difficulty in accepting da fact of her death..i hope it just a nightmare..i can't believe how many times i've been praying hoping that miracle will happen..any magic spell.??nope..! she's gone..n starting from that moments i've been avoiding any other creature that came to my life..such an idiot i am..! i thought my love for her was to0 strong that nobody's should ever try to replace her ..no way..!but then,i understand..l0ve is not about keeping something juz 4 yourself..n heart is not a memory card..u dun have to delete sumthing,juz to install some brand new memories..l0ve is about sharing n my heart is big enough for everyone,for every little creature that God sends to me..i put tremors in special place in my heart,n nothing gonna change dat..n..only after i understands that,i can sincerely accept W in my life )

 W was a complete opposite of tremors..W was a male,n tremors is a female,a loving mom infact! W was a baby,dun even open his eyes yet when he first came to me..but tremors was already an independent kitty when i found her..W was so weak,he afraid of everything ,even to human-strangers..that's make me feel the urge to protect him..tremors,on the other hand,was like a real warrior..like nothing could go wrong when i was with her..n that's make me feel so safe n protected..W love to raise my attention,he would sleep on my arms n will come immediately to me if i called him..tremors has some kind of pride,yes she loves attention n she understand my orders very well,but if i called her,she won't come straight to me,but she will stop a few distance from me so that i have to walk at least 1 step to get her..but..1 similarity that they share,is that they understands me so much,well,even if they don't,they at least listen..n..magically,hugging them give me some strength,in the hard moments in my life...
  so,u see..?they r special in their own way..a special gift from God..but sadly,we never have a chance to say a proper gudbye to each other..trem0r's death was the last thing that i ever expect in my life..n..w..i had to give him away to my neighbours as my family n i were moving to ******.. it wasn't an easy decision to make..but after considering everything,i agree..anyway,my neighbour promised me that i can visit him anytime i want to,and she will take a very gud care of my dear w..and i trust her.....
   to make da l0ng story short, i came back a month later just to listen her excuses that,she don't know where w has gone..the end,makcik.???
u kn0w,bcoz i can't take him with me (f0r some reasons)..
n bc0z u insist..
n u pr0mised me..
n..bcoz i trust u..
n that's y i gave u my dear w...........
"dear w...i really l0ve u..n i know,u l0ve me to0..but honey,my parents are moving,n pets are not allowed at those area..i'm sorry..i've considered leaving u with my grandma,but that wasn't a gud choice too..my grandma hate cats,n they are a l0t of stray dogs around those area..i'm so dumb worry..i dun think u are strong enough to protect urself..so dear,dis is my last choice,the only option that i have,i will leave u with this dear auntie,my neighbour..she like u a l0t..she keep on talking on how cute u are..n she offered herself to take care of you..she will be a better guardian than i am..so,please forget me..if the next moment we met,u don't recognise me anymore..that's will be ok..bc0z i know..u finally moving on with your life..please be happy..n..dun miss me..bcoz missing someone can hurt u a lot..behave yourelf..n gudbye..",if w understands all this last words,will he still hate me..?i dun know how's his life has been..but 1 thing 4 sure,i know Allah is watching..
   now...the same dilemma makes me write dis,dis 15 May,i shall go to hostel..yes..i'm furthering my study in foundation sc n tech in unikl,thanks to ALLAH..so now,who's going to take care of my 3 little cats.??it's time t0 decide...........................................n...i make my ch0ice..n..i put my faith in ALLAH dis time..cause He knows da best..! (^_^)

You must trust and believe in people,or life becomes impossible-Anton Checkor
someday everything will all make perfect sense,so for now,laugh at da confusion,smile through da tears,n keep reminding urself that everything happens 4 a reason..
falling out of l0ve is hard,falling  4 betrayal is worst,broken trust n broken heart..i kn0w..i know..
these w0und don't seem t0 heal,this pain is just to0 real,there's just to0 much that time cann0t erase...

u used t0 be da best thing dat ever been mine..n..u still are ;)