ALHAMDULILLAH..that's all i wanna say.. :)

Salam all :)
oh,i''ve been thinking of updating my bl0g but it seems like i am to0 lazy... leaving my blog deserted n empty.!!
s0 now..as i am in quite a mo0d tonight,let's start writingggg( yeaaaaahhhh)..
okay ,there is one thing that really burden my mind..i take it as a resp0nsibility n all i want t0 do is to get rid of it as s0on as possible..it's some kind of mental torture to me,u see..i am a girl wh0 love food a lot,n i hold on to da principle dat "every meal is important"..s0,when i start to lose my appetite,n my st0mach shows great repulsion toward food,u should know dat something is really WRONG with me..something seems to really b0ther my mind a l0t!!  ladies n gentleman,can u guess..??
oh ya..it's kinda embarassing to admit,but i am nerv0us scare t0 take my car's permit test.. n..if u gonna ask me sweetly "r u having butterflies in da st0mach.??" i'll say :NO..!becoz it's not only butterfly,but i have all kind of species,even the unknown one,in my st0mach rite now..!!oh,i simply hate it..
alright..i'm stuck with the fact dat,i want t0 pass da test so badly but i can't bring myself to face it at da same time..urrrghh..
n i really wish dat i can have a her0, a superhero,come n save me right away..jeng3..but n0ne..
dis is something that u have to depend on your self..
of coz..i receive such a wondeful support from my parents..i l0ve them so much..!!n my sister who challenge me ,n like a witch will curse me into failing in the test  if i dun follow her order..(ok,dun get her wr0ng..it juz her WEIRD way of supporting others...teehee)

sis dieba,my only l0vely sister :P

s0..i pray a lot to face dis day..the day f0r the car's permit test.............................
n,th0ugh i know by heart every steps for the test,i still can't d0 it right..it's like every muscle,skeletal and fat  in me is disobeying my order..is there a problem of transmission of impulse or something..??
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there is no p0wer n strength except with Allah the Almighty..Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah.
things do go wrong that day,but he makes it RIGHT for me..
i alm0st fail da test,u know at the part where we have to drive the car up the small hill,brake,n push the pedal little more,release da handbrake..n there u go,safely landed on the ground.
but..when it is my turn,at the moment when i release the handbrake,i can feel the car is reversing (dis means u r fail) when it suppose to moving forward..i dun know what to do,i am helpless but i dun give up on Him..
and as miraculously as it can get,the car suddenly jerk forward n i PASS the test... :)
Thanks to Allah the Almighty ..

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the secret here is..before i do the test,i constantly pray n i promised myself to thank Him first,to thank Allah first if i ever pass this..n only after that,will i inform the news to my mom,dad n the whole world..hehe
so,after i get the result, i immediately open the digital quran in my phone n recite it gratefully.. :)
n only then,i text my parent :D

yeahh..big smileee.. (^_______^)

i feel free..n0w..

yeah..right..Mr Quote..!

ReCharg!ng myself ($_$)

assalamualaikum..

oh,h0w i miss t0 write again...here..in this bl0g..where i can mumbling,sighing ,complaining n all..hehe

anyway,i d0 have some moment of breakdown (based on my previous post) ..n..n0w,i l0ve to update a bit about how my days went on..
u see,after getting quite a bad result for my chemist da last time,i make a pr0mised to myself..to mend my mistakes..
"if u can trust yourself,when the rest of the w0rld doubt on you..",that's a part of my fav poem...n i keep playing that words in my mind..it juz give me s0me kind of positive energy ,n keep me recharged..
n..the most important thing of all,is t0 never stop PRAYING...
"Allah never promised that this life will be easy,but He did promise to go with you along the way.."
so,praise to The Almighty,I did reach my target quite successfully...Alhamdulillah...
well,it such a small achievement,to be true..but i'm still happy with it..
cause..life have taught me several things..
1.It's your life,set your own target n strike f0r it..
2.Always be open to advise,critism n comment..Don't simply accept or reject it..but take your time to evaluate it..it's ok if u don't agree with others,or other people don't agree with u..that's how this world run..
3.Learn to handle failure.It's a part of growing up.
4.Never be satisfy with your success.Of course,u have to be grateful with what u g0t..n there is nothing wrong in cellebrating your vict0ry..but,don't put a full stop to that..always find a room for improvement n gain further..Trust me ,there is so much to expect in this life :)
but,here is only my personal view b0ut life..u r free to view it in your own standpoint..

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s0,i won't give up..

n0,i won't breakdown..

sooner than it seems life turns ar0und..

and i will try to  be str0ng,

even if it all  g0es wrong...

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okay...n0w let's talk b0ut something else..

surprise,everyone...

it's a mid- break..!!yay!!!!!

i'm t0tally happy with my days..

well,th0ugh i dun have any co0l plan about how to spend dis one month holiday, but i'm still treasure the fact that i can be away fr0m book without any commitment no workload n no assignment..

but still,there is s0me of my friend who already miss college that much..miss to study n all..h0w good n inn0cent they are...haha

but,seri0usly..i'm not ready to go back to the college life..

i do have fun all al0ng in college..

but,a short break like dis is a great escape..

it give me time t0 recharge... before getting physically n mentally prepared 4 sem 2..

tata 4 now.. (^^,)

hell bout day..huk3 T_T

ya ampun..blog sapa nih brsawang ter0k...???heheee..tuan dy malas...busy.??that's one of the most relevant excuse i can give on y i dun update my blog.. :/

but now.......i really need to let out dis feeling...n...this is not da first time 4 me to make a personal post bout myself.so here we go....

dear blog...................

u know,today is the fourth day of my holidays,which i waste f0r nothing...NOTHING!well that really sounds like me,to juz relax n doing things at eleventh hour ...but...since i promised myself to change..n..since i got tonne of homeworks to be done...n...the fact that there is less than 1 week before i  return to my college...i try to motivate myself to get to work..

yes..i open my books,grab my pen..n..i found myself staring at the same page for more than 10 minutes..yes.i'm TRYING to read,but i juz can't focus.!!!i dun know y..what's wrong with me..do i juz lost my interest in chemistry.???

let's get deeper...........................let me tell you something so that i can feel btter..this little secret of me,that i can't keep to myself any longer..

the reasons y i juz can't concentrate..

it's  becoz of my.....................

my .........................................

my terrible standardize result........................ :(

yeah...i'm n0t that excellent in chemistry,but i never thinks it is hard...

now..

for da first time of my life........i dun get A for my chemistry..

n this is serious..!!!this is terrible..!!it suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe if i get B,i can at least feel ok about it..but no..listen.....i only get 58%.. now,do u see me as an idiot.?

i dun know..

maybe i can accept the fact,if the questions are really hard..but the reality is,all the questions for the standardise test is simple..n ..it juz need simple calculation..n..maybe a little bit of thinking...

so..why dis mark.??

i can't explain..i dun know............one thing for sure,i hate myself.!!!!!!!!!!!

yes..i dun manage my time very well during answering the questions,i calculate the answer on a piece of paper first..i am planning to recheck before i copy the answer on my answer sheet..yes,i take my own sweet time doing all this..n i dun even glance at the clock..

suddenly,the lecturer annouced, 5 minutes left.!!

n..at that instant,i know..my game is over..yeah..my hands is shaking as violently as my heart..

lub dup..lub dup..lub dup...!!

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my heart almost stop when i have to hand the paper to the lecturer..

there is still blank spaces begging me to be filled..

n..i can only pray for miracle to happen..anything...magic spell.??

no..so here it is..

"huh..sapa suruh over-confident sgt.??"

thanks sis..sbb marah angah..pleze..mrh lebey lg..

plezeee,shout a little more...................coz i'm not good in scolding myself..

n.........................

i can see how other looks down on me bcoz of this mark..

but i can't change a thing bout dis..

so..keep on give me dat look..it's ok..

i shall get used to it..

u know what broke my heart even more.???

after the standardise 1,i need to fill my target marks for standardise 2..

so..i put an A for chemistry..coz i juz want to redeem my mistake..so that i can stop hating myself..

then,sumbody commented"u should target based on your ability..B will do"

alright......................is that the way u see me.??

do i look so helpless n pathetic to u.??

ok..FINE then..

u know..i am trying my best to accept this failure..

trying to not to be embarass with myself..

trying to walk into the lectures hall with confident......

so..that's my story..

i dun know y i ever write dis..

maybe i will regret myself  for posting dis..

but for now..

this is the only thing that can make me feel better..

to voice out all the sadness n my dispointment that i hold inside..........

oh..but dun worry..

i'm totally ok now..i shall be alright.. 

everyday is a BRAND NEW day..let's not wake up with yesterday's regret (^^,)

                                              let da rains fall down,n wake my dreams :P

build da wall ar0und my heart n break it again..?

n0w it hard to start believing again...
arhh..i'm n0t trying to brings up some old issues,but now,as things turn out to be like dis..i juz need some space to clear my mind..

years ago,a few months after tremor's death,dis little creature came to my life,let juz call him,W.s0rry i can't tell his name for some reasons. (tremors is my dearest cat,da one dat i consider as a friend, i means a bestfriend, who dies in an excident infront of my house..Yes..!i'm having some difficulty in accepting da fact of her death..i hope it just a nightmare..i can't believe how many times i've been praying hoping that miracle will happen..any magic spell.??nope..! she's gone..n starting from that moments i've been avoiding any other creature that came to my life..such an idiot i am..! i thought my love for her was to0 strong that nobody's should ever try to replace her ..no way..!but then,i understand..l0ve is not about keeping something juz 4 yourself..n heart is not a memory card..u dun have to delete sumthing,juz to install some brand new memories..l0ve is about sharing n my heart is big enough for everyone,for every little creature that God sends to me..i put tremors in special place in my heart,n nothing gonna change dat..n..only after i understands that,i can sincerely accept W in my life )

 W was a complete opposite of tremors..W was a male,n tremors is a female,a loving mom infact! W was a baby,dun even open his eyes yet when he first came to me..but tremors was already an independent kitty when i found her..W was so weak,he afraid of everything ,even to human-strangers..that's make me feel the urge to protect him..tremors,on the other hand,was like a real warrior..like nothing could go wrong when i was with her..n that's make me feel so safe n protected..W love to raise my attention,he would sleep on my arms n will come immediately to me if i called him..tremors has some kind of pride,yes she loves attention n she understand my orders very well,but if i called her,she won't come straight to me,but she will stop a few distance from me so that i have to walk at least 1 step to get her..but..1 similarity that they share,is that they understands me so much,well,even if they don't,they at least listen..n..magically,hugging them give me some strength,in the hard moments in my life...
  so,u see..?they r special in their own way..a special gift from God..but sadly,we never have a chance to say a proper gudbye to each other..trem0r's death was the last thing that i ever expect in my life..n..w..i had to give him away to my neighbours as my family n i were moving to ******.. it wasn't an easy decision to make..but after considering everything,i agree..anyway,my neighbour promised me that i can visit him anytime i want to,and she will take a very gud care of my dear w..and i trust her.....
   to make da l0ng story short, i came back a month later just to listen her excuses that,she don't know where w has gone..the end,makcik.???
u kn0w,bcoz i can't take him with me (f0r some reasons)..
n bc0z u insist..
n u pr0mised me..
n..bcoz i trust u..
n that's y i gave u my dear w...........
"dear w...i really l0ve u..n i know,u l0ve me to0..but honey,my parents are moving,n pets are not allowed at those area..i'm sorry..i've considered leaving u with my grandma,but that wasn't a gud choice too..my grandma hate cats,n they are a l0t of stray dogs around those area..i'm so dumb worry..i dun think u are strong enough to protect urself..so dear,dis is my last choice,the only option that i have,i will leave u with this dear auntie,my neighbour..she like u a l0t..she keep on talking on how cute u are..n she offered herself to take care of you..she will be a better guardian than i am..so,please forget me..if the next moment we met,u don't recognise me anymore..that's will be ok..bc0z i know..u finally moving on with your life..please be happy..n..dun miss me..bcoz missing someone can hurt u a lot..behave yourelf..n gudbye..",if w understands all this last words,will he still hate me..?i dun know how's his life has been..but 1 thing 4 sure,i know Allah is watching..
   now...the same dilemma makes me write dis,dis 15 May,i shall go to hostel..yes..i'm furthering my study in foundation sc n tech in unikl,thanks to ALLAH..so now,who's going to take care of my 3 little cats.??it's time t0 decide...........................................n...i make my ch0ice..n..i put my faith in ALLAH dis time..cause He knows da best..! (^_^)

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You must trust and believe in people,or life becomes impossible-Anton Checkor
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someday everything will all make perfect sense,so for now,laugh at da confusion,smile through da tears,n keep reminding urself that everything happens 4 a reason..
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falling out of l0ve is hard,falling  4 betrayal is worst,broken trust n broken heart..i kn0w..i know..
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these w0und don't seem t0 heal,this pain is just to0 real,there's just to0 much that time cann0t erase...
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u used t0 be da best thing dat ever been mine..n..u still are ;)

KISAH PELAJAR UIA MIMPI JUMPA RASULULLAH

Haru Haru MMV

d0n't lo0k back,just leave..
d0n't lo0k 4 me again,just move on.!
i d0n't regret loving you..
so..just take the go0d memories with you..

i'll just try to be patient someh0w..
i'll just manage to stand it somehow..
the m0re i do that,u should be happy..
day by day,i'm going NUMB.!!

[MMV] Big Bang: Lies

Yeah!
(Love is pain)
Dedicated to my broken-hearted people
One's old a flame
(Yeah)
Just scream my name
(Damn)
And I'm so sick of love song (song)
Yeah, I hate damn love song (song)
Momento of ours

Gojimar!